Here are the broad strokes of a very intricate painting. Married a man who had never even been engaged at age 37. Charming, nice-looking, accomplished (but kind of lazy), fun, romantic, pursued me relentlessly. Fell for it all. Should have been a hard no. Hindsight, you bitch.
We married when I was 34 and he was 37. Had a profoundly special needs baby (now teenager) and then twenty-two months later, a neurotypical child (yes, I talk like this). We both wanted a family. We were both professionals with lucrative careers.
I later found out he had never been faithful to any relationship. I learned that he cheated on me before we were married. I discovered him cheating when I was eight months pregnant with my second child. Why did you stay, you ask?
Special needs child. A lifelong commitment to her. A lifelong commitment to doing all I could for my children. For the kids you say? Not just that; I loved who I thought that cheating asshat was. Only he wasn't.
Oh he played the part. He was always so sorry. He screwed up. It would never happen again. But it happened over and over. He could be charming and funny. We shared a sense of humor and were roughly intellectually equal. But he lacked the most important human quality: loyalty. Call it fidelity even. But he stabbed me in the back over and over. Until one day? I was DONE.
The Line was drawn in 2010. I caught him cheating and we separated briefly. I eventually forgave him, but told him this was the last time. Funny thing is: he didn't think I meant it. Funnier thing is: I did.
So in December of 2016, when I had the funny feeling, I confronted him at his office and asked to see his phone. That was one of our "trust" conditions; I could look at his phone anytime, no questions asked. He wouldn't let me see it. It was kind of an anticlimactic ending to a 16+ year marriage. I told him to "pack his shit and get out." Not original, but it felt pretty good.
We went to counseling briefly. I found out that it was the same petri dish he had been banging when I was pregnant, in 2010 and then again in 2016. Of course, she was banging 3 other married guys. And, since her first "accident" had aged out of child support, she was pregnant. I began house hunting for me and my children.
Shortly thereafter, found the perfect house, bought it, remodeled it, and moved in with the children. And that is when I discovered the true level of his fraud. He was never who I thought he was. He was a teenager locked in a 50 something body, and he was never going to grow up.
I'm pleased to tell you that there is life after that. Even if you are 50 years old. And that life is awesome. I shall explain how that happens in future blog posts. Just wanted to lay it out there so you could decide if this would be something you wanted for yourself or someone in your life that needs to know it. The step by step guide begins with the next post.
Yes. Yes, I am.
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